Attachment Styles Series (Part 2) - Attachment Styles in Adults - Eugene Therapy (2023)

FAQs

What are the 4 attachment styles of adults? ›

There are four adult attachment styles:

Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied) Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive) Disorganized (also referred to as Fearful-Avoidant) Secure.

Most attachment specialists believe that the disorganized attachment style is the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat because it incorporates both the anxious and the avoidant styles.

The secure attachment style is the most common type of attachment in western society. Research suggests that around 66% of the US population is securely attached. People who have developed this type of attachment are self-contented, social, warm, and easy to connect to.

There are four basic attachment styles displayed by children: Secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized.

Therapy for attachment issues

Psychodynamic Therapy is better suited to adults, and explores how past relationships with parents or caregivers may influence current relationships, patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior.

Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...

People with an anxious attachment style are constantly seeking more intimacy and reassurances in their relationships, often coming off as "needy" partners, whereas people with an avoidant attachment style tend to do the opposite and push others away out of a fear of intimacy.

As I pointed out earlier, previous studies on dating couples had showed that the anxiously attached were least likely to be unfaithful and the avoidantly attached the most. Among these married couples, however, the anxiously attached were the most likely to cheat on their partners.

High levels of avoidance

They fear closeness to their partners and avoid them because of the possibility of rejection. They don't feel comfortable getting close to others. Avoidant adults worry about being hurt if they allow themselves to become too close to others.

What does attachment trauma look like in adults? ›

As a result of attachment trauma, you might carry beliefs that you are damaged, not lovable, or that you cannot trust anyone. You might have feelings of shame, unworthiness, or helplessness. Perhaps, you feel plagued by anxiety or believe that you don't belong in this world.

Although coping with relational trauma can be difficult, it is possible to heal from it. The trauma itself will not go away, but you can learn to deal with it in a healthy way. There are many effective treatments for addressing relational trauma. Finding a trauma-focused therapist is a good start.

Signs of disorganized attachment:

Chaotic, unpredictable, or intense relationship patterns and behaviors. Extreme fear of rejection, coupled with difficulty connecting to and trusting others. Extreme need for closeness, coupled with the tendency to avoid closeness and push others away.

Children who have attachment issues can develop two possible types of disorders: Reactive Attachment Disorder and Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder.

Reactive attachment disorder is most common among children who experience physical or emotional neglect or abuse. While not as common, older children can also develop RAD.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): This type of therapy focuses on helping people change the negative automatic thought patterns that contribute to feelings of anxiety in relationships. By learning new ways of thinking, people are able to approach relationships from a more secure and less anxious perspective.

Talk therapy is foundational in helping people learn to cope with and eventually change from a fearful avoidant attachment style. Therapists can identify reasons the person may have adapted this style. They can then work with you to relearn attachment.

Which attachment style is most likely a narcissist? ›

Narcissists have an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by a narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style.

Deception may be used as a way to preserve an individual's independence (Solomon, 1993), in which case those individuals with avoidant attachment styles would be more likely to lie to their partner.

Narcissists have insecure attachment styles that are either avoidant or anxious, or some combination. People with insecure attachment styles feel a basic insecurity stemming from relationships with early caregivers.

Individuals with an anxious attachment style are characterized with: Being clingy. Having an intensely persistent and hypervigilant alertness towards their partner's actions or inactions.

Anxious attachment is what is most often referred to as codependent. Those with anxious attachment often feel as though they would like to be close to others or one person in particular but they worry that another person may not want to be close to them. They struggle with feeling inferior, never good enough.

Level five is the highest level of intimacy. It is the level where we are known at the deepest core of who we are. Because of that, it is the level that requires the greatest amount of trust. If I can't trust that you won't reject me, I'll never be able to share my deepest self with you.

The results indicated that anxious and avoidant attachment styles significantly predicted both history of divorce and single versus partnered relationship status.

Anxious-ambivalent attachment.

People with anxious attachment are usually needy. They are anxious and have low self-esteem. They want to be close with others but are afraid that people don't want to be with them. As a child, your parents probably were inconsistent.

The anxiously attached person craves more connection and closeness and feels triggered by the avoidant person pulling away. Meanwhile the avoidant person feels triggered by the anxious person's desire for closeness because they themselves value their independence and freedom and fear being consumed.

Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time. Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation.

Why are Avoidants so angry? ›

According to adult attachment experts Phil Shaver and Mario Mikulincer, avoidant partners often react angrily to perceived slights or other threats to their self-esteem, for example, whenever the other person fails to support or affirm their inflated self-image.

People with avoidant attachment styles are more likely to feel alone in their experience of the world, according to new research published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. The study also provides evidence that feeling existentially isolated is a distinct phenomenon from loneliness.

Attachment trauma may cause a greater susceptibility to stress, difficulty regulating emotions, dependency, impulsive behaviors, social isolation, trouble sleeping, difficulty with attention, and mental illnesses.

Adults with an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are the opposite of those who are ambivalent or anxious-preoccupied. Instead of craving intimacy, they're so wary of closeness they try to avoid emotional connection with others. They'd rather not rely on others, or have others rely on them.

Other manifestations of childhood trauma in adulthood include difficulties with social interaction, multiple health problems, low self-esteem and a lack of direction. Adults with unresolved childhood trauma are more prone to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), suicide and self-harm.

What is it? Emotional detachment is a psychological condition in which a person is not able to fully engage with their feelings or the feelings of others. It can be ongoing, as it is in people with attachment disorders, or it can be a temporary response to an extreme situation.

Attachment disorder symptoms in adults usually present themselves in childhood. Attachment disorders are formal psychiatric disorders that can affect individuals in their adulthood if they did not receive proper treatment as children. Attachment disorders are also linked to childhood trauma, neglect, and abuse.

Dependent personality disorder usually starts during childhood or by the age of 29. People with DPD have an overwhelming need to have others take care of them. Often, a person with DPD relies on people close to them for their emotional or physical needs. Others may describe them as needy or clingy.

Complications. Without proper treatment, reactive attachment disorder can continue for several years and may have lifelong consequences. These can include problems with relationships, social interactions, mental and physical health, behavior, intellectual development, and substance abuse.

That said, most people will feel complete with their work after 1-2 years of weekly therapy to change your attachment style. Even after therapy, you will likely need to work to understand and adjust your behaviors in relationships throughout your lifetime.

Do narcissists have disorganized attachment? ›

A disorganized attachment is the underlying attachment organization that creates narcissistic and borderline personality organizations, and it is considered the most pathological of the three types of insecure attachments.

They self-sabotage

Someone with a fearful avoidant attachment may self-sabotage a good romantic relationship because they are afraid and feel unsafe. They tend to hyperfocus on things that can go wrong in the relationship even if there is nothing to worry about.

Adults with a disorganized attachment style want to love and be loved. However, they lean on counterproductive behaviors like: Not letting anyone get too emotionally close to them. Being unwilling or unable to trust others.

Most attachment specialists believe that the disorganized attachment style is the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat because it incorporates both the anxious and the avoidant styles.

"Disorganized attachment style is said to be the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat or change," Feuerman says. But it's important to know that your attachment style can shift over time — you can develop a secure attachment style by changing the way you act and think.

With time, patience, and concerted effort, attachment disorders can be repaired. The key is to remain calm, yet firm as you interact with your child. This will teach your child that they are safe and can trust you.

However, someone with an insecure attachment style can learn to change their behaviors and patterns. Working with a therapist can help them develop the skills they need to improve their relationships and build the security they didn't have as a child.

Attachment issues typically result from an early separation from parents, lengthy hospitalization, incidents of trauma, instances of neglect, or an otherwise troubled childhood. These issues may have an affect on a child's ability to form healthy, secure attachments later in life.

What is unhealthy attachment behavior? ›

In an unhealthy attachment, one person typically looks to another for emotional support, usually without offering much in return. The partner who consistently provides support without getting what they need may feel drained, resentful, and unsupported.

This fear might also lead them to become desperate, clingy, and preoccupied with their relationships. Adults with an anxious attachment style are often afraid of or even incapable of being alone. They seek intimacy and closeness and are highly emotional and dependent on others.

There are four attachment styles: anxious (referred to as preoccupied in adults), avoidant (referred to as dismissive in adults), disorganized (referred to as fearful-avoidant in adults), and secure. Attachment styles refer to the particular way in which an individual relates to other people.

Individuals with an anxious attachment style are characterized with: Being clingy. Having an intensely persistent and hypervigilant alertness towards their partner's actions or inactions.

“Attachment trauma can lead you to withdraw from relationships in order to avoid further rejection or hurt. Or, you might feel overly dependent upon others and fearful of rejection. If you relate to these symptoms, it is important to know that you are not alone. These painful emotions are remnants of your past.” ~Dr.

Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is a condition where a child doesn't form healthy emotional bonds with their caretakers (parental figures), often because of emotional neglect or abuse at an early age. Children with RAD have trouble managing their emotions.

Even though someone with avoidant attachment in relationships may avoid expressions of intimacy and affection, and pull back from romantic connections once they start to become too serious, this doesn't mean that they don't love their partner.

What do avoidant adults generally want? ›

Highly self-sufficient. This is the #1 characteristic of someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style. They don't want to depend on you and they don't want you to depend on them. They want their freedom and independence and want (or at least think that they want) you to be the same way.